According to Tom . . .

Tom always has the best way of putting it.

"All right then, we'll use a water solution," Tom acquiesced.

"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.

"Here's your allowance for the next two weeks," Tom advanced.

"Aw, come on! Why can't we ever go to the game?" Tom bawled.

"I am NOT full of hot air," Tom belched.

"The fire's going out!" Tom bellowed.

"The giant sea creature died," Tom blubbered and wailed.

"My ancestor was a famous Confederate general who had an army fort named after him," Tom bragged.

"I don't like this brush," Tom bristled.

"I like Chinese detective films!" Tom chanted.

"I want another plate of steamers!" Tom clamoured.

"Have another cola," Tom coaxed.

"We've overthrown the government," Tom cooed.

"I saw more black birds than you did," Tom crowed.

"So what if the Greek piper god is deceased?" Tom deadpanned.

"Someone removed all the twos from this deck," Tom deduced.

"Beagles are all dumb," Tom dogmatized.

"Work, work, work! That's all I ever do," Tom droned.

"I used to be a goldminer," Tom exclaimed.

"I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.

"I've done well on my diet," Tom expounded.

"I used to work for Manpower," Tom extemporized.

"I hope I can still play the guitar," Tom fretted.

"I must be just a visitor," Tom guessed.

"I've struck oil," Tom gushed.

"I feel empty inside," Tom hollered.

"That mischievous child deceived me," Tom implied.

"She must be wearing her mink inside out," Tom inferred.

"This meat is not very tender," Tom insinuated.

"I can stay on pitch when I sing," Tom intoned.

"You look like a baby goat," Tom kidded.

"You know, I do love cats," Tom mused.

"That's not a sheltie - it's just a mongrel," Tom muttered.

"O! What I'd give to see the nicest of all trees - evergreens!" Tom opined.

"The exit is right there," Tom pointed out.

"We'll get there before you do," Tom and Harry predicted.

"Yippee! Another windstorm," Tom regaled.

"I want to renew my membership," Tom rejoined.

"I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.

"I used to think amputation was irreversible," Tom remembered.

"I'll glue the sheets of wood back together," Tom replied.

"Corroborate that again," Tom reproved.

"May I go look for the Holy Grail again?" Tom requested.

"We're having calf once again," Tom revealed.

"That's it! No more! That's my third electric shock this week!" Tom revolted.

"I got the stain out of my favorite shirt!" Tom shouted.

"I ate the last candy bar," Tom snickered.

"It looks like it's going to storm," Tom thundered.

"I hate milking cows," Tom uttered.

"Oh no! It's Moby Dick!" Tom wailed.

"Yuk! My grape juice has fermented," Tom whined.

"I don't like sweet potatoes," Tom yammered.

Three C's

COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. They also tracked her calves to their stalls, but they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal alien a cow....

CONSTITUTION: They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them OURS? It was written by a lot of really smart guys; it's worked for over 200 years; and we're obviously not using it anymore.

COMMANDMENTS: The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse... You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal" and "Thou shalt not bear false witness" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Apparently it creates a hostile work environment!